New Year Resolutions.

  1. Remove laptop charger from laptop after laptop is charged.
  2. Stop assuming any woman walking beside a man to be his married sister visiting from the Gulf.
  3. Remove mobile phone charger from mobile phone after mobile phone is charged.
  4. Stop consuming abnormally large amounts of chocolate and then self-justifying that it helps a poor Ghanaian farmer growing cocoa to feed his family of five and then Google searching Victoria’s Secret models (safe search on) and then wishing you rather contributed to the Ghanaian economy by volunteering there for a year.
  5. Be happy.
  6. Stop singing Indian classical music to your mom when on Skype.
  7. Develop deeper economic relations with the Chinese.
  8. Stop singing.
  9. Do not drool over English accent, remember 300 years back happenings taught by that vague history teacher, which is why there is so much corruption still happening.
  10. Do not drool over ANY accent.
  11. Be grateful.
  12. Do not misuse your quota of prayers to God to seek instant split between immensely handsome celebrities and their wives/girlfriends. It is morally wrong. (Remember Orlando Bloom).
  13. Stop drinking too much coffee and then drunk-dialing unsuspecting parents and shouting and crying at the top of the voice ‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY LIFE’ and then proceeding to list out the things that is wrong with your life at 1.00 am IST.
  14. Remember:
  15. Do not use the phrase ‘Because of you only’. It is not right. Say ‘You are the reason…’.
  16. Stop using the word ‘like’ as a sentence gap filler.
  17. Start incorporating the word ‘super’ as an adjectival conjugate in intellectual conversations.
  18. Stop muttering horcrux curses at cute couples (they don’t work).
  19. Be nice.
  20. Wean away from the addiction of needing to have even-numbered points in posts. Pointless.
  21. Stop spending hours and hours imagining how nice it would be if there were an electric bat similar to those used for zinging mosquitoes for swatting flies as well. Flies are quicker.
  22. Use terms such as ‘fiscal prudence’ and ‘economic sanctions’ in conversations about the weather.

The Old Year Resolution

2011 has been a satisfying year for me (notwithstanding the fact that Prince William’s wedding had to take place on my birthday) . I hope it had been the same to you all too. 2012 is purported to bring the end of the world (well mine unofficially ended 4 years ago when Abhishek Bachchan… never mind, I don’t even wanna type about it). So I reckoned, why not live the “last year” of my life in the way I want? So that’s my New Year Resolution: Living life my way. The way I would have ended my ideal “last year of life” would have been  being holed in a Cadbury’s factory along with a shirtless Rafael Nadal, but hey, you can’t have your beefcake and eat chocolate too.

So what would you do if 2012 was the last year you would walk on this earth? Whom would you mend fences with? What adventures would you undertake? To whom would you say “I love you” and “lay off the grass” with equal gusto? What places (in your budget) would you visit? And the food you’d eat and the movies you’d watch and the books you’d read?

Go ahead and do it all in 2012. What if the Mayans were right?

P.S. I am getting really annoyed with the “2012” movie marathon running on Star Movies for the past one month. Every time I switch on that channel, I see either USS John F. Kennedy or St.Peter’s Basilica being destroyed. Now if the world were to be destroyed, I’ d just probably shrug and mentally compare notes with the movie scenes. Ugghh movie makers, you destroy everything!!

An elegy to a new beginning

You said you’d fulfill me

And follow me forever

You said I was important

And that you’d forget me never


I was reborn

When we first met

But soon the romance fizzled

And you began to neglect


I should have known better

That things between us never will be

For you’ve cheated me again

And left me with only  memories


You bragged about me to your friends

And promised that you’d never desert me

A whole year has gone by

And I have been reduced to a mute tree


Now you’ve come back

Begging me to accept you

I know you will lapse this time too

But nevertheless I agree


For a new year is a new start

And the old habits may depart

Trusting your lies I begin

A journey I know that will never end!


Your 2010 New Year Resolution