New Year Resolutions.

  1. Remove laptop charger from laptop after laptop is charged.
  2. Stop assuming any woman walking beside a man to be his married sister visiting from the Gulf.
  3. Remove mobile phone charger from mobile phone after mobile phone is charged.
  4. Stop consuming abnormally large amounts of chocolate and then self-justifying that it helps a poor Ghanaian farmer growing cocoa to feed his family of five and then Google searching Victoria’s Secret models (safe search on) and then wishing you rather contributed to the Ghanaian economy by volunteering there for a year.
  5. Be happy.
  6. Stop singing Indian classical music to your mom when on Skype.
  7. Develop deeper economic relations with the Chinese.
  8. Stop singing.
  9. Do not drool over English accent, remember 300 years back happenings taught by that vague history teacher, which is why there is so much corruption still happening.
  10. Do not drool over ANY accent.
  11. Be grateful.
  12. Do not misuse your quota of prayers to God to seek instant split between immensely handsome celebrities and their wives/girlfriends. It is morally wrong. (Remember Orlando Bloom).
  13. Stop drinking too much coffee and then drunk-dialing unsuspecting parents and shouting and crying at the top of the voice ‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY LIFE’ and then proceeding to list out the things that is wrong with your life at 1.00 am IST.
  14. Remember:
  15. Do not use the phrase ‘Because of you only’. It is not right. Say ‘You are the reason…’.
  16. Stop using the word ‘like’ as a sentence gap filler.
  17. Start incorporating the word ‘super’ as an adjectival conjugate in intellectual conversations.
  18. Stop muttering horcrux curses at cute couples (they don’t work).
  19. Be nice.
  20. Wean away from the addiction of needing to have even-numbered points in posts. Pointless.
  21. Stop spending hours and hours imagining how nice it would be if there were an electric bat similar to those used for zinging mosquitoes for swatting flies as well. Flies are quicker.
  22. Use terms such as ‘fiscal prudence’ and ‘economic sanctions’ in conversations about the weather.
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