The Nonexistent Times newspaper Hacked by Chinese hackers!

In a daring incident that has come to light just now, Chinese hackers have managed to infiltrate the servers hosting The Nonexistent Times (NET) website and steal thousands of valuable photographs and memes. Dusterbhai, the guy who dusts the NET servers from time to time, discovered the breach this morning when he came half-heartedly to work. In the preliminary investigation conducted via Skype by the NET investigative team, Dusterbhai explained that he was cleaning the wires of the servers using a dripping-wet cloth when he heard an annoying buzzing sound that was different from the usual “keeeee” sound that is emitted by the servers. At once the resourceful Dusterbhai single-handedly connected the wires of the servers (“like Tom Cruise bhai in Mission Impossible!” he exclaimed excitedly) to a nearby computer, opened Google Translate and indulged in counter-hacking. Despite repeated attempts by Dusterbhai to patiently explain how he managed to “counter-hack”, the NET investigation team found his explanation technical to follow. Therefore, due to lack of space and better understanding, we would like to jump directly to the part where Dusterbhai found this following message embedded in some obscure part of the server.Image



Further investigations of leads positively confirmed that the NET servers were indeed attacked by Chinese hackers. It was discovered that the hackers showed particular interest in downloading photo archives of eminent Indian politicians personalities. While it was unclear what the hackers would do with these photos, NET staff were seen weeping with sadness and feelings of personal loss at the theft of these images since photoshopping these images was their favourite source of entertainment at work.

In another unrelated development, the Chinese version of “America’s Funniest Videos” is set to debut on the only state-run entertainment channel in China. In the show titled “China Laugh Laugh at you!” (Chinese translation courtesy: Google Translate), instead of videos, funny photographs of people from one particular country would be shown during each episode, and viewers would be encouraged to send in their own memes of the photographs. Initial reports suggest that, since the Indian and Chinese diplomats have exchanged “BFFs” chains with each other during a recent bilateral meeting, India would be the first country accorded the privilege of being the “Guest of Laughter” on the debut episode.



4 thoughts on “The Nonexistent Times newspaper Hacked by Chinese hackers!

  1. Now the hackers have had it. They will be shell shocked by the statements of “Unequivocal Condemnation Of The Heinous And Barbaric Act” issued by the Indian Government. I just hope (for their own sake) they don’t receive the dossiers from our external affairs ministry.

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