NEW DELHI, November 18, 2032
Indian government official arrested for not taking bribe
By Special Correspondent
In a scandal of sorts that will surely rock the next bribe-filled election, a senior civil servant working for the Indian government was arrested for not taking bribe from a contractor to act in favour of the latter’s bid to crosslink all rivers of India. The enraged contractor filed a police complaint alleging “character assassination” and “feeling hurt due to refusal by the officer to accept bribe” and filed a libel suit in order to bring forth the case to light. According to the contractor, he had met with the civil servant in question two weeks back to present a bribe of 27 crores. However, the incorrupt official refused to accept the money, allegedly stating “I will not accept bribe to influence and subvert proper procedures”. The contractor managed to capture this shameful act in video using a hidden camera, which has been doing the rounds all over the Internet and in major news channels. There has been a public and private backlash against the “incorrupt” official, with blogs, tweets and Facebook comments mocking the civil servant’s stance against corruption. When contacted, the Union Law Minister A. Raja (who was jailed in his youth for championing corruption) just shook his head and looked up at the sky. The reporter could not fathom what the actions meant, but there is a general feeling that he implied “tails of some dogs just cannot be straightened”. The incorrupt official was remanded to police custody and officials said he will be produced before a court within 35 years from the date of arrest. Trial is expected to start in another 28 years, with the verdict due in the second half of next century. The official will remain under arrest for the entire period until the verdict is pronounced. Further developments are awaited.
The harried civil servant (who wishes not to be named) defended his actions, stating that he was only following “principles” which he repeatedly referred to as “truth”, “values” and “honesty”. Nobody had any idea what he meant by these terms, and there is talk of detaining him under “Mentally Confused People” act. The reporter tried in vain to Google search these terms, but the results page showed “You are kidding right? There is no such term in use in India” for all the above words.
The contractor has been assured by the Prime Minister in person that the new replacement official will be “corrupt enough” to accept his bribe and allow linking of all rivers in India. The contractor, on his part, thanked the Prime Minister, and assured the Indian population that only the best-quality Plaster of Paris, sourced from the best fifth-rate vendors in China, would be used to construct the dams and walls in this project. There is chatter in the hallowed halls of the Indian Parliament that the contractor may be this year’s winner of “National Anti Anti-corruption Bravery Act” award usually conferred upon brave corrupt Indian common citizens/government officials who tirelessly work toward eradicating anti-corrupt movements in India. Meanwhile, the “Prevention of Movement Against Corruption Act” (also referred to as POMACA) has been strengthened to allow the evidence of children as old as 3 months who have witnessed acts against corruption, although they cannot speak or stay awake during court proceedings.