An oily business

I was astounded by how clever and simple the idea was. Waging war against dictatorial regimes which somehow managed to have large oil reserves and installing puppet regimes. Ain’t that  genius? So if the self-appointed “saviors” were really interested in saving people from dictators, why hasn’t it ventured forth in Africa to save its people. Oh wait, it did. It bombed Libya, didn’t it? And then realized that it contained vast oil reserves (I am not sure about the order of events though). So if you  are under a dictator regime, here are the steps to attain freedom.

1. Spread a rumor that your country’s dictator has WMD (no you silly, not weight management dumbbells, Weapons of Mass Destruction).

2. If your country does not have vast oil reserves, then it makes things difficult. Pool in money, buy oil, dig wells at random places and pour the oil into these wells. So now that you have oil reserves, the dogs will come sniffing.

3. The fighting will be sporadic at first. Note, however, that the number of countries joining the war to “liberate” your country is directly proportional to the number of gas fields in your country.

4. The dictator will either be hanged after subjected to mocking or will be drawn out of sewer pipes and beaten and shot to death. Remember, this is  the only good thing that would come out of the “war”.

5. Once the dictator has been displaced, there will/will not be a long drawn-out civil war. It all depends on the time required to empty the oil fields and transport it back to the countries that “helped” you gain “independence”.

6. Once the war is over, it is time for the United Nations to chip in and do the laundry service. Food packets, clothes and everything other than money will be duly distributed. Make sure you skimp on those food packets. Pretty much everything will be bombed and you won’t have time (or place) to go shopping for food.

6. So now that you have been liberated, it is time to enjoy life. Only there won’t be anything left to enjoy.

Good luck and keep me posted on the developments


10 thoughts on “An oily business

  1. With all these austerity measures being implemented I wish that the UN would come and liberate the UK.

    I could do with a few free food parcels, the queues at the self-service checkouts can be manic.

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