The inscrutable idiosyncrasies of the incorrigible Indian

There are some things that are distinctly Indian:
(1) Like our staunch refusal to remove plastic covers from new car’s seats
You think: How stupid!
The real reason: There is such thing called “resale value.” Have you ever wondered why Indian cars have a better resale value than that of other countries? Simple logic!

(2) Like our utter failure in understanding the meaning of the term “stand in a queue”
You think: What uncouth behavior!
The real reason: Scientists at the Sarah Palin Institute of Technology in Alaska have recently gone through painstaking hours standing in queue and analyzing the reactions of frustrated people who stood in queue and those who jumped queue. They found that people who jumped queues had a feeling of euphoria or a rush of joy (more aptly described as “alpa santhosham”) in flouting rules and emerging first. Such euphoria, caused by the release of the chemicals endomorphins and exodolphins, though of short duration, has a profound effect on the evolution of man as described by Adam Smith, wait, or was it Sigmund Freud?

3) Like driving vehicles on pedestrian sidewalks, and walking in the middle of the road.
You think: How dumb!
Real reason: As per public petition number 34543, the areas that are now occupied by motor vehicles were once the sanctuary of the species called human walkers, who are now in danger of extinction. Walkplease organization, which supports the restoration of land to its rightful owners, has confidentially said that they have started a grassroots (or more appropriately named tar-boots) movement as a form of protest. They have recruited millions of drivers (most of whom are youngsters with no history of achievement other than learning to drive) all over India to start a silent protest. Although the organization begs  them to remain anonymous, one can easily spot them. They are the guys who jump traffic signals, ride bikes on pavement to reach their destination (which is actually the stop line in front of the signal), “drop-off” colleagues at the middle of the road during peak-hour traffic, stop suddenly to receive an “important call” from their phone service provider, and sheepishly smile when verbally assaulted by the irate co-drivers. Many world-famous activists have called this IWOTR (I wont obey traffic rules) movement to be the largest in the world in terms of the number of people participating from diverse walks of life.

4) Like banging repaired electronic devices to make it work.

You think: How much more illogical can one get?
Real reason: It works! Yes it does. The practice of banging radios to make it work started inadvertently when in August 15, 1947, a small child in a remote village in India picked up a repaired radio and started banging on it just for fun, and voila!, the radio suddenly started “singing,” and India became independent. The village panchayat heads added up 2 and 2, wrongly summed it up as 5, and ordered the same method of banging to be used for repairing all electronic devices discovered by man from then on. Caution: If you see a person banging his/her mobile phone in frustration, do not interfere. He/She is only performing an age-old tradition to get back lost signal.

5) Like speaking English to strangers, no matter your “know”ledge or “dontknow”ledge of the language

You think: Trying to fit in?! (sarcastic smile)
Real reason: Did you know that Shakespeare spent his summer internship in India? Of course you didn’t! Hence, the misdirected sarcasm. English as a language, just like everything else in this world, originated in India. It was exported (at the prevailing fiscal relief benefits clause tax as directed by Reserve Bank of India) in circa (<— I love this word!) 1000 AD to Americas. India boasts of almost 583 types of English. There is Malayalam English, Peter English, Butler English, Tanglish to name a few. And what audacity to smirk at our interpretative English you unimaginative people of the Western English-speaking world!

6) Like our obsession with fair skin.
Not fair! This obsession is present in almost all the regions of the world, except of course in Iceland and Antarctica, where you see only white no matter how hard you tried not be a racist! Ha, if you were a true-blood Indian, you would have laughed at this joke! If you are scratching your head, thinking “what joke?” tsk tsk…..some guys are just not meant to be Indians. Which brings us to the last “Inscrutable idiosyncrasy of the incorrigible Indian”

7) Like our uniquely Indian sense of humor.
You think: What humor?!
Real-life example:
An Indian and American watching a “late night show with who’s his name” reruns sipping beer. The talk show host cracks the following joke:

“Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

Exactly at this instant, the American laughs his head off, spilling the beer on his pants.
The Indian now starts laughing…….., at the spilled beer.

The Indian’s unique sense of Indian humor…


3 thoughts on “The inscrutable idiosyncrasies of the incorrigible Indian

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