Hey, have we read before?

Hey!

Yep, you. Don’t turn back, like the cute thing they do in the romcoms. Yep, I am talking to you!

Have we read before?

Chances are, we have. A couple of years ago, I think?

Then somehow I lost in touch with the dream world.

And stopped writing.

But hey, here I am.

A fresh start, I hope.

Bugged by my ever-loving husband. Yep, you heard that right.

HUSBAND🙂

So here’s to a new year (um, three weeks into a new year, to be precise.)

I seem to type well so far.

See ya:)

New Year Resolutions.

  1. Remove laptop charger from laptop after laptop is charged.
  2. Stop assuming any woman walking beside a man to be his married sister visiting from the Gulf.
  3. Remove mobile phone charger from mobile phone after mobile phone is charged.
  4. Stop consuming abnormally large amounts of chocolate and then self-justifying that it helps a poor Ghanaian farmer growing cocoa to feed his family of five and then Google searching Victoria’s Secret models (safe search on) and then wishing you rather contributed to the Ghanaian economy by volunteering there for a year.
  5. Be happy.
  6. Stop singing Indian classical music to your mom when on Skype.
  7. Develop deeper economic relations with the Chinese.
  8. Stop singing.
  9. Do not drool over English accent, remember 300 years back happenings taught by that vague history teacher, which is why there is so much corruption still happening.
  10. Do not drool over ANY accent.
  11. Be grateful.
  12. Do not misuse your quota of prayers to God to seek instant split between immensely handsome celebrities and their wives/girlfriends. It is morally wrong. (Remember Orlando Bloom).
  13. Stop drinking too much coffee and then drunk-dialing unsuspecting parents and shouting and crying at the top of the voice ‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY LIFE’ and then proceeding to list out the things that is wrong with your life at 1.00 am IST.
  14. Remember:
  15. Do not use the phrase ‘Because of you only’. It is not right. Say ‘You are the reason…’.
  16. Stop using the word ‘like’ as a sentence gap filler.
  17. Start incorporating the word ‘super’ as an adjectival conjugate in intellectual conversations.
  18. Stop muttering horcrux curses at cute couples (they don’t work).
  19. Be nice.
  20. Wean away from the addiction of needing to have even-numbered points in posts. Pointless.
  21. Stop spending hours and hours imagining how nice it would be if there were an electric bat similar to those used for zinging mosquitoes for swatting flies as well. Flies are quicker.
  22. Use terms such as ‘fiscal prudence’ and ‘economic sanctions’ in conversations about the weather.

RupeeFall (OST)

This is the end
Hold your breath and count the Yen
See the markets slide down and then
Hear the stocks go bust, again

For this is the end
India has feared this moment
So overdue, we know then
Reserves swept away, we’re broke and then…

Let the Rupee fall
When it tumbles
We will bow down
Face it all together (2)

The Rupee falls
The Indian Rupee free falls

Rupee fall is where we start
A thousand lies and jokes apart
Where exports crumble and days are dark
[FM says ] You may have my number, you can deride my name
But you’ll never have my support or my heart!

Let the rupee fall (let the rupee fall)
When it tumbles (when it tumbles)
We will bow down (we will bow down)
Face it all together (2)

When Rupee falls…

Dollar rises, Rupee falls
Euro rises, still Rupee falls
Rupee knows it’d never be
Like the yuan, with security
With their loving arms
The Chinese keep yuan from harm
Come rest your head on my head
And we’ll bang….

Let the Rupee fall (let the Rupee fall)
When it tumbles (when it tumbles)
We will bow down (we will bow down)
Face it all together (2)

When Rupee falls…

 

Note: Now that you know the lyrics, please sing it to the tune of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ic2gmrG-v1E.

P.S. I don’t sing. Unless it is Happy Birthday, which I usually am forced to sing to get free chocolate cake. Thanks for wondering.

Up

Natalie Keener: How can you not think about that? How does it not even cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
Ryan Bingham: It’s simple; you know that moment when you look into somebody’s eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet… just for a second?
Natalie Keener: Yes!
Ryan Bingham: Right, well I don’t.

There are very few films like “Up in the Air”. Very few films that make you sit up in the middle of the night, praying to God you don’t get fired (or if you do get fired, atleast it is by a George Clooney looka… no, I’d rather not get fired). I loved George Clooney, I loved the girl from Twilight (who, according to me, held her own in every single scene) and I also loved the guy who danced with Natalie in the party she crashed in. Loved every single bit of it. There is so much to take away from the movie. Like the fact that even though you wish you were detached and single and living in the faux luxury of frequent flyer miles, you still, deep down, yearn to come back to the ground, to be touched by humans, to be loved by someone. And also, like the cardboard cutouts that Ryan carries around, how much ever you try to stay away from family, it finally gets you. Like the tax guy, or knee pain.

The Power of A Smile(y)

Scenario 1

She: Do you love me?
He: Yes
She: Why are you so terse?
He: I am not
She: Okay
He: What?
She: Nothing
He: Why are you so upset?
She: I am not
He: Okay.
<After some time>

She: You don’t love me anymore
He: Why do you say that?
She: I don’t, it’s the tone of your SMS replies
He: Baby, I am tired
She: Well, so am I
He: Will talk to you later
She: Yeah, whatever!

Scenario 2

She: Do you love me?
He: Yes🙂
She: I love you too🙂
He:🙂🙂

GAH.

Performance Appraisal

Circle the answer or answer in Yes or No. Please be descriptive, if required.

 

How happy are you with your work life?

  1. Over the top, jumping up and down kind of happy
  2. Okay, it pays my bills
  3. Meh
  4. Gah

 

 

How intellectually stimulating and challenging do you find your work?

  1. Ah, so that’s how you spell “intellechooal”
  2. I find it a challenge to get up from my bed everyday and come to work. Isn’t that challenging?
  3. Work, what work?
  4. <write your other option here>

 

 

Are you happy with your manager?

  1. Yes
  2. Yes
  3. Yes
  4. Yes

 

Do you enjoy working with your colleagues in your team?

 

  1. Oh, I have a team?
  2. Yes (some of them)
  3. No (most of them)
  4. Don’t care

 

 

Would you describe yourself as having leadership aspirations?

  1. Yes
  2. No
  3. Don’t know
  4. Don’t care

 

 

If Yes, please describe what you think are the qualities you possess to be a good leader

 

 

If No, please describe why you think you do not have leadership qualities

 

 

If “Don’t know,” please describe why you think you don’t know

 

 

If “Don’t care”, do not write anything in the below space provided (and meet me while you leave work today)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What sort of a person are you?

 

  1. Introvert/reserved
  2. Extrovert/outgoing
  3. Introvert/outgoing
  4. Extrovert/reserved

 

 

What brand of chocolate do you like

  1. Do not have a preference
  2. I don’t like chocolate
  3. I prefer to keep it personal
  4. Anything goes

 

 

There is a balloon seller standing in front of you with 4 colors of balloons. There is a red balloon, a grey balloon, a green balloon, and a purple balloon.

If given 20 bucks to buy any two balloons, what color would you choose?

  1. Red
  2. Grey
  3. Green
  4. Purple
  5. I’d rather buy chocolate

Please elaborate the reason behind your choice.

 

 

 

 

 

In the Angry Birds game, whom do you most sympathize with , the birds or the pigs? Be succinct in your answer

 

 

 

What type of a person are you? (Please select only one option)

  1. Shy/ Boisterous
  2. Contented/Unsatisfied
  3. Normal /Abnormal
  4. Caring/Non-caring

 

 

Do you believe in ghosts? If Yes, why? If No, Why?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you watch the movie Paranormal Activity?

  1. Yes
  2. No
  3. Don’t remember

If Yes, write 250 words about the cinematographic technique used throughout the movie and compare it to Psycho

 

If No, watch the movie during the weekend and write 250 words about the cinematographic technique used throughout the movie and compare it to Psycho.

 

If you Don’t Remember, watch the movie during the weekend and write 250 words about the cinematographic technique used throughout the movie and compare it to Psycho.

 

 

 

 

What kind of a person are you? (Choose only 1 option)

  1. Selfish/Unselfish
  2. Happy/Unhappy
  3. Fearful/Unfearful
  4. Funny/Serious

 

 

Write a one-page essay on Kim Kardashian’s choice of gown at the recent Met Gala, focusing on her use of floral gloves as an accessory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By how much do you think Kim-Jong Un is overweight?

  1. Not that much
  2. Somewhat obese
  3. Tipping the industrial weighing scales
  4. Who is he?

 

 

Are you a good team player?

  1. Yes
  2. No
  3. Sometimes, when I feel like it
  4. I’m not part of any team

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

  1. Can’t, I’m shortsighted
  2. Won’t, it’s personal
  3. Would, but won’t tell you
  4. Could, but won’t tell you

Please use the below space to write a 500-word essay using the word “hippopotamus” as a key mental imagery tool. Usage of the words “flamingo” and “doobedudaabedy doo” as adjectives will earn extra bonus points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please stop writing. Thank you

 

 

 

 

 

Enough, that’s it.

 

 

I’m snatching away the paper now

 

 

Disclaimer

Thank you for taking the time to fill out your personal appraisal form. Please note that this exercise is invaluable as it not only gives us an insight into the human that is you, but also helps us use one-sided sheets for a good cause.

Due to recession, there will be no salary hikes this year as well, continuing a 35-year trend.

 

 

How much is too much?

This blog is going to be a quick one, something I just had to share with the world (totally notwithstanding the site stats, so to write).

I just read a disturbing piece of news wherein Facebook opted to retain videos of decapitation videos circulating in their website. They decided that they had to preserve the “freedom” of the individuals who uploaded the videos, and that the clips, which purportedly show people beheading other people, was meant as a warning,

Quoting Facebook’s statement verbatim, 

While this video is shocking, our approach is designed to preserve people’s rights to describe, depict and comment on the world in which we live.

 

Of course, they did a volte-face once backlash ensued. There are such things that go beyond “crossing a line”. Circulating/Uploading videos of killing a person is one of them. I identify with the backlash very strongly because I was affected by one such incident during my college days. It was via e-mail from a friend, who sent me a link to a video plainly titled “Shocking!”. I opened the video to see something funny, instead it was the video of an obviously mentally ill person, standing atop a stationary train somewhere in India. He was shouting something, put his hands up, got a severe shock from the power lines above and burnt to death. The whole video was about only 2 minutes, but I cannot tell you how much I was psychologically affected for the next few months…

So, please, think twice, thrice, four times, before even contemplating about sending such links to other people. You cannot expect others to have the same macabre sense of humor as you do. It’s a pity, I know. But we all need to learn to live with that.

 

More on this here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-22368287